Look at blogs. Don't read, but take a good look at them as a whole. You'll realise that our stories are all the same. Our regrets, our pain, how our strong front masks our true weak sides, how life's a bitch. We all converge to a common point. One which is in the inside of each and everyone of us but not on the outside. During gp, ms chua went through the question on blogging and whether it was a self-indulgent in nature. Is it? If you really think about it, you write about Your life, you pour out Your miseries, you post pictures of Yourself, and you think other people actually bother about your life. But honestly it was a rather harsh way of putting it across. I'm sure there's a reason why i keep coming back to this space, to throw out my thoughts just so that i can look at everything, as a whole, in hopes of piecing together my fragmented understanding of myself.

For the prelims so far, 
fucked =  gp = chem = bio = ...me

There's always this dark hour when you're studying. When you suddenly feel that everything is so beyond you and you're enveloped in inadequacy. Where your mind starts to cloud and you feel the tiredness in your eyes. But you press on, you keep going. You play mind games and you hold on to faith. However, sometimes, you put in so much effort but the results do not justify your blood and sweat. Yes you started late, yes you weren't fully prepared, but you really worked it before the paper. And to be crushed by the paper right after, it really takes its toll on you. They say don't give up, press on. But where do you get such strength after being so demoralised?

I had my darkest hour. My chem sucks, period. (I went for paper 2 without touching organic) Anyway, well i was studying, i was gathering some notes and among some old stuff, i found a little post-it which was from at least 4 years ago. It had a bible verse written on it, Jeremiah 29:11. The verse was given to me by a friend back then. I looked at the verse and there was this feeling inside of me which really wanted more. I wanted to check the verse out but instead, i pasted it onto my wall and planned to take a look at it before going to bed. 

I felt lost, like i didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't have the time nor the capacity to save my chem and my heart was heavy. I forgot about the verse. I went to bed much later and as i lay there, i was tired but i couldn't get to sleep so i started surfing the net with my phone and i visited mel's blog. 

And to my greatest surprise ever, which really stopped my heart beating for a second, mel had posted Jeremiah 29:11 on her last entry. Out of the thousands and thousands of verses, it was the same exact verse quoted from the bible which i had failed to check out. And it was so timely. She had posted it at the perfect most needy timing, sweet.

It was at that point where i finally felt as if i was lifted, as i knew for sure that a greater force was in control. God has always and will always be there. And He works in amazing, amazing ways.

Somehow, the next morning, mel told me that while her mum was driving, she was randomly prompted to pray for me, that i'll have trust in him. Everything seemed to coincide and fell into place. 

I'll sleep well tonight.

Tomorrow is the teacher's day celebrations. Do you think teacher's day was invented by a teacher, to celebrate teachers?

Some dance to remember. Some dance, to forget.